Translation into English of a Faroese article written by Mildrið Jacobsen.
The article was published in the Faroese newspaper Sosialurin on 18 January 2018.
The topic is #MeToo
Faroese women are hesitant to use the #MeToo tag on their social media profiles. This is not because the problem of sexual harassment is less prevalent in the Faroe Islands than elsewhere, but because the society is small, and the women fear intrusive, uncomfortable questions and prejudices and do not want to be seen as victims. Additionally, they are afraid of being perceived as hysterical crybabies. Elin Brimheim Heinesen, who herself was very uncertain about whether to use the tag on her profile, explains this.
As the #MeToo movement continues to gain traction internationally, the hashtag #MeToo is not often seen on the profiles of Faroese women on social media. Elin Brimheim Heinesen, who has herself been a victim of severe sexual assault, is one of the few women in the Faroe Islands who has used the #MeToo hashtag on her profile. She hesitated for a long time and thought extensively before doing so.
– I completely understand why women hesitate. I had my own doubts before adding the tag to my profile. People immediately start to wonder what happened to her, and they become nosy. It’s not pleasant. We live in a small community, and no one wants to be seen as a victim, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
She also preferred to avoid questions and criticism and absolutely rejects the victim role.
– I do not want to be defined in the eyes of others by the unpleasant experiences I have had. I am so much more than that. I do not want to be seen as a victim, because I do not feel like a victim. I have moved past it and moved on, she says.
Elin Brimheim Heinesen has spoken to many women who have been subjected to severe sexual harassment, but they have chosen not to use the #MeToo tag on their profile because they want to avoid criticism and do not wish to be questioned about something they would rather forget.
– It does not get any easier when, in the debate about the movement, there are those who claim that only those who want to play the victim use the tag on their profile, she says, pointing out that this is exactly the opposite of what the tag’s purpose is.
– When many women do not dare to come forward, it just shows that the #MeToo movement is indeed needed and far from exaggerated, as many men in the Faroe Islands would like to make it seem. On the contrary, there is far too little focus on it, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
It’s Not Just About a Pat on the Backside
Elin Brimheim Heinesen does not understand why especially men in the Faroe Islands are so provoked by the #MeToo movement.
– They label the women in the #MeToo movement as hysterical crybabies who cannot tolerate a pat on the backside and then come forward 30 years later to complain about it. They dismiss and belittle the incidents the women describe having experienced and mock those who have added the tag on their profiles, she says.
But this is about far more serious matters than just a small pat on the backside. It often involves direct assaults and rapes that women did not report because they were afraid it could not be proven, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
Men in the #MeToo debate ask why the women did not stand up and confront their abusers 20-30 years ago when they were subjected to sexual harassment, and why they are only coming forward now when it has, according to these men, become “fashionable.” Elin Brimheim Heinesen responds to this:
– I have heard the question many times: If it was so serious, why didn’t you report it then? These people forget that behind most #MeToo tags lie very frightening, painful and deeply degrading experiences, which in many cases happened when the women were quite young and unprepared, or in any case in a vulnerable and subordinate position.
– I believe many women through time have given up confronting what they experienced as a powerful force, much more powerful than them. They have realised they would lose if they merely entered a battle of claims against maybe much older and stronger men, perhaps a family member, perhaps an employer, perhaps someone financially much better off.
– They have therefore not only had to consider the consequences of taking up the fight against a single perpetrator, whom they may know personally and will encounter on the street for the rest of their life, but also against an entire society.
Most women have always known that it can be very difficult to convince others that they have been subjected to sexual assault – especially men, who find it hard to understand the boundary between innocent flirting and direct assault, and who tend to be in solidarity with their own gender and therefore often dismiss such incidents as nonsense from hysterical crybabies, as we have often seen women referred to in public debate, she says.
She Asked For It
Elin Brimheim Heinesen points out that the mentality in society has largely been: “She was probably asking for it because she went out alone at night. Likely to a place where everyone knows that women shouldn’t go alone in the dark unless they want to be assaulted. No one asked her to go there. Besides, she was probably also dressed too provocatively, so it’s her own fault.”
– Women know they are often blamed, so they choose to remain silent. When you see how experiences of assault are belittled in public debate, and how those who come forward are ridiculed, many think it’s better to stay quiet. Who wants to be labelled as a hysterical crybaby who hates men?
– As if that has anything to do with the matter. I understand why women hold back from speaking out. But I hope that the #MeToo movement can change this so that it becomes easier in the future to speak out and protest against sexual harassment without fear of being demeaned or ridiculed, she says.
Elin Brimheim Heinesen believes that the criticism of and protests against the #MeToo movement have been very prominent in the Faroe Islands. Too little has been done to ask and show interest in why people have chosen to join the movement.
– I miss the discussion about the problem as a whole and the recognition that the issue of sexual harassment is a real problem and that it is a significant issue, probably much larger than most people realise, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
#MeToo Is For Everyone
Most people who add the tag to their profile are women. However, men also do it.
– This is certainly not just for women. Men who have experienced sexual harassment have just as much right to come forward and protest against sexual abuse, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen, emphasising that the most important thing is to tackle sexual abuse, regardless of gender.
– The #MeToo movement is not an attack on an entire gender, as some claim. It’s not about that at all. The truth is simply that, statistically, most sexual abuses are committed by men, but that doesn’t mean all men do it. It should be allowed to protest against sexual abuse without being accused of being against all men and of being a man-hater, she says.
She acknowledges that mistakes are made and that it is possible some innocent people have been accused in connection with the movement. But she does not understand why there is such an enormous focus in the media on a few instances of this, while almost ignoring all the terrible stories behind the millions of #MeToo tags, involving real violence that has occurred. Where are the proportions?
She points out that not a single person in the Faroe Islands has lost their job because of #MeToo accusations. Nevertheless, many seem to fear this more than the many sexual abuses primarily committed against women.
Unfounded Fear
In the wake of the #MeToo movement, men, in particular, have expressed concerns that #MeToo is a new puritanical movement that is destroying the opportunities for men to be men, and that it is no longer acceptable to flirt a little with a woman or say sweet words to her without risking becoming part of #MeToo on someone’s profile.
Elin Brimheim Heinesen says this is nonsense.
– No woman will feel harassed by flattering words or harmless flirting. It is a completely unfounded fear, she says.
– The threat only exists in their own imagination. It is not real. If it were the case that men were being called out and exposed for a bit of flirting, then it would have happened a long time ago, and all women would have to hate men because it was much more common in the past for men to pursue women. But the women don’t. They are not exposing the men for a little flirt.
She also points out that men who worry about the consequences of the movement have nothing to fear if the women who post #MeToo on their profiles are taken seriously and not ridiculed.
– When women feel heard and respected when setting boundaries, they also feel much more secure around men, and then there’s nothing stopping a bit of flirting. Everyone can flirt as much as they like – as long as both parties are on board with it. It’s as simple as that, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
She adds that many men actually do know where the boundary lies, so she doesn’t understand why they feel so targeted by this movement.
– They can just listen to the women. If they are empathetic enough, they can easily read the situation. It’s not more complicated than that, says Elin.
There are also women who think that the movement is unnecessary. However, Elin Brimheim Heinesen doesn’t find it so strange, as fortunately not all women have experienced sexual assault. And it’s often the case that until one has experienced it themselves, they might find it hard to believe that it can happen. People are trusting and believe in the best in others, and that the world is a good place. But suddenly something happens that makes the world look completely different, she says.
The Purpose of the #MeToo Movement
The purpose of the #MeToo movement is to stop sexual assault and ensure that those who commit such acts take responsibility and are held accountable for their actions. This should be the movement’s sole consequence.
Elin Brimheim Heinesen says that bringing more focus and awareness to this issue is the best possible outcome, as it will enable us to address it, allowing everyone to feel safer when going out alone at night and secure in their workplace without fear of assault or harassment.
– The goal is for all of us to feel safe and for everyone to clearly understand where the boundaries lie, and that no means no, she says.
She points out that most women she knows are afraid to walk home alone at night, whereas she knows only a few men who feel the same, if any. And why are women so afraid? Elin Brimheim Heinesen refers to author Margaret Atwood.
– It is said that Margaret Atwood mentioned something along the lines of: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” This might be a somewhat exaggerated statement, but there is a grain of truth to it. Hopefully, #MeToo can help to open people’s eyes to why so many women are afraid to walk alone at night. Is this fear completely unfounded?
– Have they had unpleasant experiences? I dare say they have, or they know someone who has had unpleasant experiences when walking alone at night, she says.
Although most men wouldn’t dream of raping anyone, the reality is that men commit nearly all sexual assaults and rapes. Statistics in the USA show that over 99% of rapes are committed by men, and both women and men are victims of these rapes.
– Unfortunately, this is a reality we all must recognise if something is to be done about it. Otherwise, we cannot get to the root of the problem. This does not mean, as said before, that all men are like this, but some are. We cannot continue to deny this reality, which many, especially men, tend to do, just because they themselves would never contemplate such things. But then there is no reason to feel targeted, she believes.
The #MeToo Movement Makes a Difference
Elin Brimheim Heinesen believes that the #MeToo movement will make a difference in the fight against sexual abuse. Although there is significant resistance to the movement, it is still something people are reflecting on.
– It needs to be digested. I believe that many of those who were against the movement from the start are listening somehow and thinking about it in the end. If this makes people think more carefully about where the line is between ordinary flirting and harassment, then the movement has done something good, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
She says that she does not expect the movement to stop yet, because those who have experienced sexual abuse are no longer tolerating it and will continue to do something to stop the harassment and abuse.
– They do not give up so easily, now that the boil has been lanced and the issue has been brought to light, says Elin Brimheim Heinesen.
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The article was published in the Faroese newspaper Sosialurin on 18 January 2018:
