Is it necessary to identify “culprits”? Some people dislike the term “general sexist culture” because they find it too vague. They compare it to a situation where someone is assaulted during a night out, knows who did it, but instead of reporting the perpetrator, only complains about the “general culture of violence in nightlife”. If a woman is raped, what good does it do if she refuses to report the offender and instead sends a complaint to the police about the “general rape culture in the city”?
People therefore believe that the solution is to address specific issues rather than generalise, because when the problem is described as general, it’s easy to conclude that all men are more or less like that. And that’s not the case. No, that’s absolutely right. Unfortunately, it is not as simple as identifying certain individuals as sexists and exonerating everyone else.
(Note: What is sexism? A sexist is someone who either speaks disparagingly about an entire gender or bullies a person or group because of their gender. Sexism isn’t necessarily about something sexual, like sexual harassment, but it can be about that too.)
Sexism / Gender Discrimination Woven into Our Culture
It’s not as straightforward as dividing people into those who are sexists and those who are not. Like it or not, sexism or gender discrimination is unfortunately quite common because it’s so ingrained in our culture that even the most innocent person can inadvertently say something sexist—just as those who don’t consider themselves racist may end up saying something racist. Again, this is because it’s so embedded in our culture.
Thus, a sexist remark often goes unnoticed, except by those affected by it. And they often dare not speak out for fear of being labelled too sensitive. People affected by sexism frequently don’t bring attention to it when it happens. And when sexism is a topic of discussion, people might say they’ve experienced it but are reluctant to reveal who the sexists are. So, who should we blame for sexism?
This was a hot topic, for example, in March 2022 when two female politicians from the Faroe Islands complained about the sexist culture in the Faroese Parliament. Many wanted to know who was responsible so the right people could be blamed. But the question is whether — or why — anyone specific should be blamed for something so deeply rooted in our culture that most people hardly notice they might be contributing to it.
Gender-Disparaging “Tone” is not Punishable
The two female politicians raised the topic, not out of a desire for personal revenge. It wasn’t about a general fight against all men, as some might suggest. Discussing the issue of sexism isn’t about gender at all. So, what is it about?
Quite simply, it’s about combating sexism universally! It’s about confronting the “sexist tone” that permeates our society – including the parliament. And it’s something BOTH genders maintain unless we highlight that we will no longer tolerate it.
The two female politicians refused to scapegoat specific individuals, but aimed to point out that we could all benefit from learning how to speak to each other more respectfully in the future, without a gender-disparaging tone. A gender-disparaging “tone” isn’t always punishable by law. If understanding this is challenging, let me illustrate with an example:
Well, Some People Clearly Can’t Take a Joke, Right?
I once worked in Denmark, where I had a boss who was a typical power figure, relishing in dominating others—especially women. During staff meetings, when discussions about urgent issues became heated, he had a habit of abruptly interrupting and saying, “You look so pretty when you’re angry,” with a sarcastic smile. Then he would laugh loudly at the shocked faces of those he directed it to.
A joke, yes, certainly. But he never did it to male employees—only to the female ones, because it was an effective way to wield his power indirectly by intimidating them. The clear aim was to silence them, showing he didn’t take their statements seriously. It was definitely sexist. If someone dared to show displeasure, it only resulted in further belittling and ridicule: “Well, some people clearly can’t take a joke, right?”
Women frequently encounter such situations. When they complain, it’s almost certain they’ll hear: Can’t you take a joke? Don’t be so sensitive! And that leads nowhere. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It can be very difficult to complain about such behaviour, especially if it’s the leader in charge himself, and if you know everyone else is in on it, laughing along. They don’t take it seriously either because they don’t feel the sting. It doesn’t affect them personally, so they might be blind to what it does to those targeted.
This is an example of a problematic “sexist tone,” which can’t simply be corrected through legal means. If you did, most would likely think it’s making far too much fuss over an “innocent joke.”
If One Feels Accused, They Might be Part of the Problem
Nevertheless, it’s still not acceptable to speak like that in a workplace. People – including the two young female politicians – have every right to highlight that they will not tolerate a condescending tone at work, without necessarily singling out scapegoats. From what I understood, they preferred to look ahead and ensure that all politicians treat each other with respect in the future. That was all they were asking for.
It’s astonishing how complicated it became, with people trying to turn it into something entirely different and irrelevant. In a Facebook debate, someone commented, “If you’re not sexist yourself, it feels insulting to be lectured on not behaving in a sexist manner. You sit with clenched fists thinking: Why do they think I need to hear this?” This person believed that the solution was for women subjected to sexist behaviour to report the individuals who crossed the line. Why not handle it like violence or abuse and find the culprit?
Another politician wrote, “There’s no problem in highlighting sexism. But why not point out those who don’t behave properly so that sexist behaviour can be stopped? I was raised to communicate respectfully. Now I’m suddenly told we need to learn to speak properly. Is it fair to say the workplace has a sexist culture just because one or two people behave improperly while the other 45 are innocent? Is it fair to call the entire workplace sexist? Why accuse the whole parliament?”
But no one has accused the entire parliament. The female members of parliament said they had experienced sexist behaviour there. That’s not the same thing. If someone feels accused and sees it as an attack on the entire Parliament, and instead makes the two female MPs the problem, they should perhaps consider whether they are unconsciously part of the issue. Most would say they are not part of any problem because they were taught good manners as children and have always treated people well. There is also no doubt that most are polite. However, that is not always enough.
Is There a Culture of Silence Regarding Sexism?
The sexist culture certainly exists. We know this because many have confirmed it. If we acknowledge that sexism exists in society, we must also admit that a sexist culture might exist in the Lagting (Parliament). Whether the Lagting has a sexist culture or not – well, that will become clear when the issue is discussed in the Lagting. The question is, if only a few people behave in a sexist manner, why haven’t the rest stopped them long ago?
Is it because there is a culture of silence about sexism? Or is awareness about sexism so minimal? Why haven’t more members of the Lagting spoken out against sexism and condemned it previously? Could it be that they’ve been blind to it? Could it be that they simply haven’t been aware of what is sexist and what isn’t? How about listening to those who say they’ve experienced sexism in the Lagting and taking their claims seriously, rather than immediately going on the defensive and dismissing their experiences?
If those who believe themselves to behave well had listened more to those who face sexism, the sexism in the Lagting might have been eradicated long ago. But it has apparently thrived. When did it, for example, become acceptable to ask for private sex education from parliamentary colleagues? Why didn’t anyone protest against such statements when they were made? As understood, people were present and heard it. But they simply laughed. Doing nothing is also acceptance. So perhaps everyone is complicit in not addressing the issue earlier. However, this does not make everyone a criminal. So maybe we should be glad that the talk about the sexist culture is finally being addressed, without anyone being labelled as criminals.
No Need for Scapegoats or Martyrs
The female Members of the Faroese Parliament highlighted the problematic culture, and that is how it should be improved – by pointing it out. If the focus had been on specific individuals – for instance, if these parliament members had publicly named known people behaving in a sexist manner in Parliament – they would undoubtedly have faced much worse accusations, such as “character assassination and defaming these poor men without solid evidence” or something similar. I completely understand why they didn’t want to publicly pinpoint anyone. If they had, all the focus would be on those specific individuals, turning them into either scapegoats or martyrs. It would have resulted in a mêlée of mutual accusations, leading to intense conflicts and disagreements about whether it was fair to those individuals.
The issue would have turned into one about individuals rather than a structural problem. Everyone else could then – most “conveniently” – wash their hands of any responsibility for the sexist tone in the workplace.
The reality, which many seem to struggle to understand, is that the problem is NOT merely personal, because as long as everyone remains passive observers and does nothing about it, all are complicit. This needed to be addressed as a structural problem that requires a general solution. As the Faroese proverb goes: He who is guilty feels targeted. Strong, confident, non-sexist men should be able to have a serious conversation about sexism without getting defensive or feeling accused. There’s no reason to take it personally if you’re innocent. You can just stay calm.
Both Men and Women Commit Gender Discrimination, But Mostly Men
Some have noted that sexism exists against both men and women. Yes, sexism/gender discrimination can be woman against woman, man against man, man against woman, or vice versa. The fact that both genders can experience sexism does not make the topic any less relevant to discuss. It seems that many could gain a better understanding, as this concept is being discussed across various threads on Facebook with this theme being on the agenda.
Personally, I think it’s very good that sexism is now being debated in the Parliament – and that the Parliament is setting an example in this matter, so we can all learn from it and become more aware of sexism. Too many people who have suffered from it have remained silent out of fear of being accused of hysteria and oversensitivity. Therefore, it is commendable if politicians are now willing to talk openly about this issue and possibly admit that they may have been blind to sexism.
Sexism has been so common and so ingrained in our culture that people almost perceive sexist behaviour as “natural” – meaning that even those who are normally very polite and do not see themselves as sexist may say something sexist without thinking of it as “sexism”/gender discrimination. This does not make them criminals. But it’s still not acceptable.
What we must acknowledge is that a culture is sexist when sexism is allowed to continue unchallenged. It doesn’t matter if it is one, two, or 30 people committing sexist acts. The culture is sexist when others – often men – do not speak out when they witness sexism, as this helps to maintain the culture.
Unaware of Their Own Sexism
Is it acceptable to single out individuals as scapegoats for merely acting in alignment with a widely prevalent sexist mentality that has been so common in society that perhaps every other man might be guilty of having said or done something sexist at some point – possibly without even realising it, because it is so pervasive and seemingly legitimate in today’s world? Often unconsciously endorsed by women too, as they are so accustomed to it that they don’t believe it can be any different.
I have experienced it myself countless times, and I know from many other women that they also encounter these subtle, everyday micro-sexist remarks – even from otherwise kind and well-meaning men, who might say something jokingly without real malicious intent, yet the remarks are genuinely sexist. For instance, on International Women’s Day, 8 March, posting pictures on Facebook of women who are bad at parking. Amusing? Yes, certainly. But also primitive. And foolish. It’s pure gender bullying. However, the men posting such content don’t seem to realise what it truly is, as it is so ingrained in our social interactions that it almost feels natural.
Therefore, I do not blame these men for saying or acting in a sexist manner and – like the women in our parliament – I am not interested in pointing fingers or shaming individuals for it, because this isn’t a personal issue. It is a systemic problem.
Improved Understanding Between Genders
Targeting certain individuals as scapegoats serves no beneficial purpose. It only widens the gap between genders, as many of these men feel completely innocent and subjected to baseless accusations. They are well aware that they are not the only ones who have committed the same “sin”, so if they are to be accused, many others should also be.
Is it not better, therefore, to highlight the issue of sexism itself—and in a more constructive way, make us all more aware of what sexism is, how we all, to some extent, contribute to maintaining it, and how we can behave more respectfully towards each other in the future?
Is it not better that we all gain a greater understanding of just how sexist our culture genuinely is, and how it is so? And most importantly, how this culture ultimately leads many to believe that women, in some way, do not have the same importance or significance in society as men? What if we all start by trying to listen better to those who feel subjected to sexism, instead of accusing them of being oversensitive or hysterical, of “hating men” and so on, thereby adding to their burden?
What is the Problem with Speaking To and About Women with Respect?
I see on Facebook that many – especially men – complain that women have become too uptight, and now “you can’t say anything anymore.” There is immense outrage over this. But isn’t it also uptight to react so strongly when all women are really asking for is to be spoken to – and about – as equal human beings, on par with others? I truly can’t see why this should be a problem. So, who is actually being uptight now?
How about we all take on a shared responsibility to eradicate sexism – for instance, by first understanding what sexism is, and then in our daily lives being aware of it and kindly speaking out when we see it, whether we experience sexism ourselves or see it happening to others, so that those who sometimes cross boundaries become aware of what they are doing. Workplace leaderships can also play a significant role by leading the way.
Until we rid ourselves of sexism/gender discrimination – preferably together – we unfortunately all have to live with the risk of being suspected of supporting sexism if we remain silent and do not actively participate in eradicating it.