By Elin Brimheim Heinesen
Whether we like it or not, homosexuality is a reality we cannot ignore. We can choose to accept this reality or not, but burying our heads in the sand is not helpful. Homosexuals have always existed and will not disappear, regardless of efforts to prevent these people from loving their own gender. Is there any alternative to accepting reality as it is? Some may try to sit on the fence. For example, I often read on Facebook people saying they “love homosexuals – just not their lifestyle.” As if it is somehow an excuse to discriminate against homosexuals more than others. But can you have it both ways?
Why is ‘Loving’ and ‘Loving’ Not the Same?
I wonder what it really means when people say they “love homosexuals” but do not like “their lifestyle.” I wonder what people imagine. What do people think when they say they do not like the homosexuals’ “lifestyle”? What exactly is it that they do not like? What is it about their way of living that they find so repulsive? Why is this way worse than the way others live? Homosexuals are not perfect, no. But who is? Not everyone is the same. Is there not just as much about the way many heterosexuals live that can be unpleasant? What exactly is it that makes the way homosexuals live supposed to be worse than heterosexuals? What justifies discriminating between homosexuals and heterosexuals?
Or is it the way of loving that people do not like? What is so repulsive about a person loving another person? What is the precise difference between the way a homosexual loves and the way a heterosexual loves that makes one way so much more repulsive than the other? Why is it okay for some to love, but not for others, just because they have fallen in love with someone of the same gender? What is different in the way that justifies preventing these individuals from having the same right to consolidate their love through marriage and ensuring their beloved, in the same way other lovers can?
Is it really “loving the homosexuals” to not allow them to live with their beloved under the same conditions as others? Why deny some this opportunity and not others, just because the one they love is of the same gender? How can one justify making this distinction among people? Is their love not as deep and worthy of celebration? What is so terrible about that love?
Is it Hateful to Ask These Questions?
No, I only ask because I struggle to see the difference. I find it very difficult to see the repulsiveness in people loving each other – wanting to live together, care for each other, and create a good life together, where they live in peace and harmony among others, fulfilling their duties as citizens, working, and paying their taxes like everyone else. What is so terrible about such a lifestyle?
I have asked the same questions on Facebook before, and have been puzzled by them being labelled as hateful towards Christians, creating division by asking them. Let me stress that it is by no means my intention to accuse anyone of hatred by asking these questions – nor to sow discord. On the contrary. I have simply asked these questions from an honest heart, because I truly do not understand why people want to prevent someone from loving another person. And because I want people to question the reasonableness of what they say about homosexuals.
I just wish that people would think before they speak about homosexuals. I don’t know if they realize how hurtful it is when this love, which is just as genuine and pure as any other love, is called “a rotten product” and all sorts of other disgusting things, as has been uttered from the Faroese parliament’s podium. It seems like those who say such things completely forget – or do not understand – that they are talking about flesh-and-blood individuals with the exact same emotions as everyone else. It is as if they do not know that such remarks feel degrading and pure harassment for the homosexuals, their families, and friends. Using the Bible to justify harassment against innocent people seems to be not only ignorance but also arrogance and pride, because according to Christian beliefs, only one can judge in the end.
A Touching Love Poem
Please read the love poem below. This is one of the most beautiful love poems I have ever read.
This is my person.
This is my love.
The biggest love.
The love of my life.
This is the match of a lifetime.
The tinder date that lasted for weeks.
The most beautiful human I’ve ever met.
This is who makes me laugh every day.
Who takes me on adventures I never thought I’d have.
This is who makes me feel excited, makes me feel calm, makes me feel free, makes me feel safe all at the same time.
This is who makes me feel beautiful.
This is who gives me strength.
This is who has endless support for me.
This is who lights sparks in my eyes and fireworks in my body.
This is who I’m gonna write a thousand songs about.
This is who I didn’t know, I had been looking for all along.
The person that makes me the best version of me.
And who forgives me without hesitation when I’m not.
This is who treats me better than I thought a significant other was supposed to.Better than I thought I deserved and who made me see that I do.
This is who loves me for my quirks, silliness and spiky, unshaven legs.
This is the strongest person I know.
So kind.
So brave.
So curious.
So adventurous.
So generous.
So funny, idealistic and stylish.
A logistics genius with the voice of an actual goddess.
Her whole existence is a fierce act of resistance against societal and familial expectations.
I’ll probably never be able to fully understand the shit that she has to face daily.
And still she looks upon the world and sees endless potential.
I want to submerge myself in the depths of her being forever.
This is who I choose.
This is who asked me to marry her.
This is who I said yes to.
This is my future wife.
My daughter, Helena, wrote this love poem to her fiancée, Lorri, in September 2017, shortly after Lorri proposed to Helena. The poem beautifully illustrates that love between same-sex couples is just as genuine and pure as love between heterosexual couples.
Will the Dream Shatter?
The two – Helena and Lorri – got married in March of this year in New York, where Lorri was born and raised. It was a wonderfully delightful wedding, filled with romance, love, joy, and hope for the future.
Helena and Lorri met in Copenhagen, where Lorri was an exchange student. They fell deeply in love with each other immediately. When the school year ended, Lorri unfortunately had to return to the USA, even though she wanted to stay. But it wasn’t possible to stay in Denmark. The law prevented her from doing so. So they had to maintain a long-distance relationship for a while, traveling back and forth as often as they could. Throughout this time, they dreamed of being able to live together as soon as possible. But when you come from two different countries, it’s almost impossible.
As it was quickest and easiest for Lorri to obtain a residence permit in Sweden, they tried that option. In the spring, they finally succeeded in getting permission to move in together in Malmö right after the wedding. They were fortunate to find an apartment and are incredibly happy and content to finally live together. I have never seen my daughter happier in my life.
The next step in their dream is to apply for a residence permit for Lorri in the Faroe Islands, so they can move there as soon as possible. However, now that conservative forces have unfortunately begun to make threats, they have started to doubt whether they are even welcome in the Faroe Islands. They fear that the dream of moving to the Faroe Islands will shatter. And I must admit, as a mother, I would also be deeply saddened if that was the case.
Let Love Flourish
I have deeply appreciated the progress in the Faroe Islands in recent years – including the fact that same-sex couples now have the right to marry. This has allowed my daughter to finally come home and thrive with her beloved wife. But now, with the outcome of the parliamentary election clear, the fear that all of this progress may be undone is beginning to weigh heavily on my mind. Conservative forces must not be allowed to take power!
I love my daughter and wish her and my daughter-in-law all the best in the world. As a mother and mother-in-law, I want to emphasise to the people of the Faroe Islands that regardless of gender, love should be allowed to flourish above all else.
Therefore, I asked Helena if I could share the beautiful love poem above with her fiancée in the hope that everyone who reads it understands that love between same-sex couples is not fundamentally different from love between heterosexual couples. Do we choose who we fall in love with? If you have a partner, when exactly did you choose to fall in love with them? Or did it just happen? Of course, we do not control who we fall for. You fall in love with – and love – the person you love. And, of course, you want to be with the one you love.
