Long article in the Faroese newspaper Dimmalætting, April 2019
Narrated by: Elin Brimheim Heinesen
Written by: Hans Egholm
Elin is in balance. Currently, she is in a good place in life. She is content with her job, has a cozy home, owns a sweet dog, has lovely siblings with the world’s sweetest children whom she adores, and she has good friends around her whom she often enjoys spending time with. Elin is happy with her life. However, she has not had an easy journey. She has faced significant challenges, but despite that, Elin is a great example that it is possible to have a good life if one acknowledges the value of sharing life with others. We all need support and care from others. No one is an isolated island, she says.
Elin Brimheim Heinesen felt her heart race when the interviewer asked her for a conversation for a longer article in Dimmalætting. There was a moment of silence on the phone. It was as if I had hit right into her central nervous system. She almost wanted to say no immediately. How could she tell her own story without mentioning the difficult events she had experienced, but found it hard to talk about?
– Just showing a glossy image of myself would make the story incomplete and misleading. I have been shaped by some events that I have never publicly spoken about because I feared being stigmatized and pigeonholed if I did. But perhaps the right moment has arrived now.
The decision was not easy to make. – Is it something the public would benefit from knowing? asked Elin. After careful consideration and advice from good friends, she decided to be open and honest about what had happened to her. If it was to be shared, it would be an honest account with the purpose of instilling hope – not just for people to read a sensational story, thought Elin.
– Perhaps someone can relate to my story and learn from it. The message must be that it is possible to live a good life even though one has experienced very traumatic events. I also do not want to go around pretending that my whole life has been a bed of roses, because that is only half the truth. If someone thinks less of me after reading the real story, that’s their problem.
– My life could have gone completely wrong. It was close to not surviving. But I eventually learned how incredibly important it is NOT to try to handle everything alone and isolate oneself, but to ask others for help. I was quiet for so long and pretended everything was fine, but when I finally reached out and asked for help, I realized that I was surrounded by family and friends who cared for me and were ready to provide me with care. I have so much to thank them for, especially my best friend, Maria. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
Who is Elin?
– There are several of us with the name Elin Heinesen. Therefore, I consistently use Brimheim as a middle name, says Elin as I meet her outside her basement apartment in Stoffalág.
Elin is not alone in welcoming me. A small happy dog shows interest in me and follows me into the living room. Kurla is a black 8-year-old female dog. Only her paws and a small part of her snout are white. Elin is dressed all in black, only her necklace breaks the colour. Oh, and her chalk-white hair, reaching down to her shoulders.
She pours me a cup of coffee and sits in her usual spot on the sofa. I sit next to her. Kurla comes and lies down next to me. Sometimes I wonder if Elin is wearing glasses, they merge so well with her face. Elin laughs softly, revealing her white teeth. The smile suits her.
Most Faroese people are probably familiar with Elin’s songs like “Eitt dýpi av dýrari tíð”, “Á, tann deiliga Havn”, and “Sjeikurin” from the NALJA album in 1988, and “Áarvegurin” from the album “Yndisløg” in 2010.
For Elin, music is a comfort to the soul, and last year, when she turned 60, she finally succeeded in releasing an album with only her own songs, called “Handan stjørnurnar” (Behind the Stars). Many may be familiar with the new tracks “Tú vart altíð har” (You were always there” and “Søti mín” (My Sweet), which have been heavily played on the radio lately.
And then there are those who know that Elin Brimheim Heinesen is the daughter of the writers Maud and Jens Pauli Heinesen.
Born in the ‘Fox Farm’
Elin Brimheim Heinesen was born on June 25, 1958, in Lon no. 11, in the bed room at her grandparents’ house, Anna and Otto Brimheim. Revagarðurin (The Fox Farm) is another name for the Lon buildings, located just east of the old police station on Jónas Bronck’s street in Havn.
Elin learned from her mother that it was a difficult birth, lasting 42 hours. Elin was born in the summer. This day, sixty years ago, the weather was fantastic and unusually hot.
The day after, she was already seen in a pram in the neighborhood.
Poor neighbourhood, ghosts, and skeletons
Elin grew up in the old town in Tórshavn, Reyn. For the first six years of her life, Elin lived in the Reyn neighborhood in Leigubúðin – an apartment on Tingane-s next to Munkastovan (the oldest house in Tórshavn). This was because Elin’s mother, Maud, worked in the government at one point, which is located on Tinganes. Elin’s father, Jens Pauli, was a teacher at the Municipal School back then and later at Venjingarskúlin (another municipal school).
When they moved into Leigubúðin, there was no toilet in the apartment. They had to go out to a shed to sit on a bucket. Every morning, her mother had to go down to the sea to empty the bucket. But later on, the apartment was expanded, and they gained access to a toilet with flushing function.
The courtyard just outside Leiðubúðin was an old cemetery, and a part of it sloped steeply towards the sea back then. When it rained heavily, the soil was washed away from the slope, and bones and skulls became visible.
– I found it exciting and brought some bones inside, laughs Elin. – But I was immediately told to go out and put them back in place.
There were many ghosts in Leiðubúðin. The house was very old, so it creaked loudly, and sometimes it felt like strangers were inside the apartment or walking on the roof.
Elin had a good life in this mysterious environment. She remembers her childhood years at this plave as very good, even though Reyn was a poor neighbourhood back then. Maybe not right where she lived, but many people lived cramped together in the small huts right next door. There was no central heating in the houses, and everywhere smelled of paraffin oil.
Now as she sits on the sofa, letting her thoughts wander, she remembers the home of a girl she used to play with. Things were not good there. The adults in the house drank a lot. The girl had several siblings, and they all lived in a basement. The floor was made of soil, and the walls were made of cobblestones. In the basement, there was a tap that stood right up from the ground. This was their kitchen. Some people lived like that out there. The children were grey with dirt. Elin raises her hands to her neck and shows where the dirt was around her neck and wrists.
– We as children didn’t think about being dirty. We enjoyed it. There was a special atmosphere with all the little houses, but it was a different time, and that’s how it was. There were many children, and we thrived out there. I loved living there. It was a true paradise for me to grow up in.
In the first part of the day, Elin went to Queen Ingrid’s kindergarten. She walked home by herself in the afternoon. It was ingrained in people to look out for and take care of each other, so it was considered safe for children to roam around the town back then. Therefore, she quickly learned to fend for herself and become independent.
– I had a task when I walked home from kindergarten. It was to queue up at the Dairy to buy milk in a brown bottle that I had in my bag. I remember the smell of milk in there while they stirred it in big pots.
However, it wasn’t just good moments, as when she was a little girl, Elin suffered from severe asthma. It didn’t take much for her to become exhausted. She contracted pneumonia multiple times and was close to death from measles. Elin believes that one of the reasons for her poor health was due to having a coal stove and no central heating in the house. The smell of paraffin oil lingered indoors all day, and she played in various houses that were not well insulated. Elin also points out that many houses were likely full of mould.
– All of this has surely been a cause of my asthma. I was always so breathless. Today, I still only have about 80 percent of lung capacity left. I never had the strength to participate in sports. If I exert myself, I can still experience asthma-like symptoms.
Stoffalág
Elin’s parents, Maud and Jens Pauli Heinesen, bought a plot of land in the neighbourhood of Stoffalág and built a house there, which they moved into in 1964.
– I’ll never forget how sad I was to move from Reyn. As solace, I got a tomcat named Rasmus. But the cat was so violently bullied by other cats that it had to be put down. It always came home scratched and torn after being outside.
The house was not finished at all when we moved in. The bathroom wasn’t ready, and there was no wallpaper. The basement was a large room with a stone floor. That’s how things were back then. You built as much as you could afford, so it could take years for houses to be finished.
– From the ages of six to twelve, there were no buildings in front of our house in Stoffalág. There were other houses in the area, but none that obstructed our view. We could see over to Skálafjørður, the whole of Nólsoy, and out towards Argir.
The best part of it all was that my best friend, Maria Andreassen, whom I had met down in Reyn, had also moved up to Essalág, the neighborhood just below us, and that helped me to quickly settle in. A large meadow lay between their house and ours, with sheep and oystercatchers, so there were great conditions for play.
Maud Brimheim and Jens Pauli Heinesen
At that time, Elin’s mother, Maud, started as the first employee in the administration at Fróðskaparsetur Føroya – the Faroese University. In the early years, she worked both at Fróðskaparsetur and at the National Doctor’s Office, but later she obtained a full-time position as the administration manager at the university. She worked there for almost 40 years. In her spare time, she wrote children’s books. Maud passed away from lung cancer in 2005, only 69 years old.
Elin’s father, Jens Pauli, was the third oldest of the siblings from the Lofti family in Sandavágur.
There was only a little over a year between the brothers, Jóannes and Jens Pauli, and they were almost like twins. Jóannes was the oldest and was supposed to take over the farm. Because of this, he didn’t receive an education. Jens Pauli went to Tórshavn at the age of 14 to become a trainee in an office. However, he was more interested in schooling and requested to attend a secondary school, which he was allowed to do. After secondary school, Jens Pauli continued to a gymnasium in Hoyvík, and then pursued a teaching degree in Copenhagen.
Jens Pauli Heinesen became a full-time writer after leaving his teaching position in 1972. He was one of the most prolific writers in the Faroe Islands, with nearly 40 works to his name – novels, short stories, essay collections, plays, poems, and more. It is no secret that Jens Pauli struggled in the later years of his life and became dependent on alcohol.
– He was the main reason I moved back to the Faroe Islands in 2007 after living in Denmark for 25 years. His condition deteriorated after our mother passed away in 2005 and required full-time care, so I returned home to take care of him. He passed away in 2011 at the age of 78.
Elin was an only child until she was 14 years old. At that point, she gained a younger sister, Marianna, who was adopted from Korea.
Our home was quite different from our friends’ homes because dad worked from home, and mum worked outside. They were pioneers, so to speak. Moreover, they loved to throw parties and were very active in the cultural scene in Tórshavn, and they traveled a lot. They were global citizens and had many foreign friends, writers, musicians, actors, etc. Our home was often filled with exciting, interesting people. It has given me a lot of creative inspiration.
I have always drawn and written. However, I have not written books, perhaps because my father was the author in the family, so I have focused on other art forms. When I was 6 years old, we got a piano in the house, and since then I have sung and played, composed and arranged, and written my own songs.
A Good Childhood
Elin emphasizes that she had a good childhood. She loved traveling outside of Tórshavn. In Klaksvík, she visited her mother’s foster grandparents. There were many children to play with, and there was always something to do. Elin also spent a lot of time with her grandparents in Sandavágur. Her grandfather, Petur á Lofti, had a farm. Her grandmother Maria – known as Mia – was a fantastic grandmother. There was love, care, and a true paradise for Elin.
In Sandavágur, Elin had many cousins to play with. The stream in the village was the children’s playground where they caught small fish. They stole turnips from the turnip fields and did all the fun things that children should do. The family valued social gatherings and being together. Especially during festive occasions, like weddings or milestone birthdays. Elin remembers that it was common to compete at parties to see who could come up with song lyrics on the spot (called “senda drunn”). The men competed to be the best at improvising. Everything was so fun back then, she thinks.
Elin reflects on her memories and smiles. – We were allowed to participate in everything. In the mornings, we took the cows out to the fields and brought them back home in the evenings.
The uncle, Jóannes, slowly began taking over the farm. He was an exemplary man, whom Elin looked up to.
– We often took walks in the countryside, where he told me about sheep farming, birdlife, place names, and the maintenance of grasslands. He was like a second father to me and has been so to this day. He used to call almost every week to check in. Now, he has grown old and mentally weakened, so he can no longer make those calls.
Jóannes didn’t get married until he was around 40. – I was as much his child as my father’s until he had a daughter and later three grandchildren. But we have always maintained a close connection.
– I also had a close relationship with my father. Until I was around 14 years old, we would walk along the beach and out to Boðanes every Sunday morning, regardless of the weather. Sometimes, we would extend the walk if the weather was good. We would often walk all the way to Hoyvík to stand on the cliffs at Hoyvíkshólm and fish for coalfish with a fishing rod.
– Even though I have experienced many things, good and bad, there is no doubt that having an incredibly good childhood, surrounded by people who truly cared for me, has helped me greatly when things have been tough.
Nerdy
Since she was very young, Elin had an inner urge for knowledge. She was curious and wanted to learn to read early on because she desired to understand what was written in the speech bubbles in the Donald Duck magazines. Her mother swot and read with her, and by the age of 4, Elin could read the Donald Duck magazines fluently, becoming a true bookworm.
– I was so eager to read that I read every single book in the Children’s library. Once I had read them all, I started over again.
During birthdays at home in Stoffalág, Elin didn’t always have the energy to play with the other children. She laughs because a thought crosses her mind.
– I might just disappear. The others had no idea where I had gone and were puzzled. When they started searching, they found me in a closet with a flashlight and a book!
Her laughter continues, and Elin settles in more comfortably as she explains that she had hidden herself to have some peace. She couldn’t handle the noise. I think I was a bit weird… yes, I probably was, says Elin, laughing again.
Subjected to a sexual offense
At the age of 7, Elin started 1st grade at the school near Frúutrøð, just a stone’s throw away from her grandmother and grandfather’s apartment in Lon. Elin, born in the summer, recalls always being sad that she could never invite her classmates for sweets on her birthday, because everyone had vacation.
Due to her frailty, Elin never really participated in physical education, which at that time took place in the schoolyard. It could be dodgeball or other games. Swimming, on the other hand, took place in the old swimming pool in Gundadalur, where the badminton hall stands today.
Academically, Elin was ahead of her classmates, so she found herself bored in class. By the time her classmates had reached halfway through the math book, Elin had completed the entire book four times. However, the levels later balanced out.
One day, just before starting 2nd grade and only two weeks before turning 8, she decided to walk alone through the city’s plantation on her way home from the swimming pool in Gundadalur.
– There, I experienced an extremely shocking event that completely turned my previously carefree life upside down. It simply shattered me mentally.
Elin was only 7 years old when she decided to walk alone into the plantation. Taking walks there with her parents was not unusual for Elin, who had an interest in nature. Perhaps she would see small birds and ducks along the way. She felt safe and fascinated by the beautiful environment.
But suddenly, an adult, unknown man jumped out and chased after her. He picked her up, covered her mouth with his hand, and carried her in between the trees. Elin fought for her life, but he was much stronger. Eventually, she couldn’t resist anymore. She wondered why there was no sound coming from her throat when she tried to scream for help. She was simply paralyzed with fear. Amidst the trees, the man threw her to the ground and stuffed a handkerchief into her mouth. He tied her with wire he took from a nearby pole, and then he abused her.
– It is shocking! says Elin when she sees how shaken I am by the story.
When the assailant finally fled, Elin was still bound. She was terrified and didn’t dare move because she didn’t know if he would return. Were the tales of trolls kidnapping princesses really true? Was he like a troll who had taken her, and was she now to be his slave, forever trapped? Or would he kill her? Such thoughts raced through her young mind.
She lay there for a long time before she could finally move and get her body functioning. Eventually, she managed to free herself from the wire. She struggled up the hill to the monument for those lost at sea, where she encountered some people and asked for help. She tried to explain that a man was after her, but she found it difficult to recount what had happened. The people didn’t seem to believe her and felt like smiling. However, they agreed to accompany her out of the plantation down to Hoydals Street. From there, she had to run alone all the way home.
The parents reacted immediately when she entered, as it was clear that something was very wrong. Elin stuttered as she told them about the incident, and they quickly got a doctor to examine her. The episode was reported. The man was searched for on the radio and found. A trial was held, and the man was found guilty by reason of insanity. The story of what happened in the park in Tórshavn spread throughout the Faroe Islands. This meant that people saw Elin only as the victim of this terrible incident for a long time. They avoided her, unsure of how to act when around her.
– The interrogations, trial, and stigmatization were something that I found equally traumatic and took me decades to shake off. In a small community like the Faroe Islands, it’s very difficult to break free from the box you’re put in. Additionally, a psychological defense mechanism emerged during the assault, which somehow separated my body and mind and made me feel alienated from the world and my own emotions and body for many years.
Elin never received any crisis help from a psychologist. And the adults never spoke to her about the incident again after the trial was over. No one asked how she felt about it. Back then, it was believed that it was best to keep such things quiet. They didn’t know any better.
– But I thought about it many times a day, every single day for many, many years. I felt like I saw the man around every corner and behind every curtain. And I had to live with the fact that I could actually run into the man in town in the years that followed. Every time I saw him, I would run and hide somewhere.
From being a happy, carefree, and outgoing little girl, Elin became quiet, introverted, and wary of people. She suffered from anxiety and various phobias. Elin is certain that she had PTSD without ever receiving the diagnosis. Not until later in life.
Moved to Wales
The event also left its clear mark on Elin’s mother, who stayed home, had no energy, and couldn’t go to work. The local doctor, her employer, advised them to leave the country for a while, distance themselves from the incident, and find peace. They moved to Wales for a few months. Elin remembers they lived in a coal mining town. There were endless rows of terraced houses. One of these became their home. It seemed grey and gloomy, Elin recalls.
– I remember how it smelled of old dust. The staircase was dark, and the house was old. Everything was in dark colours. It felt like a haunted house. Mum and dad were sorrowful, walking around like two ghosts around each other. I had no one to play with and felt so lonely. The intention of the trip was probably good. But in hindsight, it’s difficult to determine if it helped.
Bullied severely at school
In her innocent child’s mind, Elin was convinced she had done something wrong – that she had sinned, and therefore brought upon herself what happened to her. She believed it was a form of punishment that she deserved because she was a bad person. Elin felt a horrible sense of guilt and was constantly afraid that if she did something wrong, something similar would happen again.
– I thought a lot and mostly kept to myself. Books were often my aid and perhaps my way of dealing with loneliness. All this made me strange in the eyes of the other children at school. They saw me as vulnerable. It didn’t take much for me to feel sad and cry.
The situation was not improved by the fact that she had asthma and was physically weak. Therefore, she had difficulty defending herself.
– I became an easy target and was heavily bullied because of it. The first few days after I returned to school at Frúutrøð after the incident, everyone was cautious and felt sorry for me. But after a while, the incident was forgotten in the eyes of others. They couldn’t continue to feel sorry for me.
The children shouted the name of the man who had assaulted Elin after her. It hurt and confused her. But fortunately, Elin had someone to confide in at home in Stoffalág. Elin is convinced that her friendship with Maria saved her from becoming mentally ill due to all the harassment.
– She was the only one I could talk to about everything. She was always loyal and listened to what was on my mind. We were just little girls, but even then we talked about the incident. If she hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would have happened to me. We were very different and didn’t match in many ways. Some called us Fy & Bi (Danish Comedians), because she was small and I was tall and slim. She was a physically strong girl. I was a nerd who always had my nose in my books. She was light and I was dark. But she was kind to me, and I to her.
This would not be the last time that Elin would need her friend.
A Year in Spain
When Elin was ten years old, the Heinesen family moved to Spain for a year. Jens Pauli wanted to experience what it was like to live in a dictatorship like Spain at that time. This was part of the research for the book “Frænir eitur ormurin” (Fafner is the Name of the Dragon), a novel that described the rise of fascism in a small community like the Faroe Islands, that he wrote while they were there. Elin’s mother, Maud, also took leave and planned to pursue her dream of being a children’s book author. She wrote her first children’s book, “Marjun and Them,” in Spain.
Later, when Elin was an adult and both her parents had passed away, she discovered that everything was not quite as she had been told. In a book by Jógvan Isaksen about her father’s work as a writer, she read that in an interview, her father had mentioned that one of the main reasons they moved to Spain was that it was good for Elin’s health due to the nice weather there.
– They chose to send me to a Spanish school instead of an international one, even though I didn’t know a single word of Spanish. But that’s how I quickly learned to speak fluent Spanish.
The school system in Spain was very different from the Faroe Islands. But as Elin was academically talented and quick to learn, it didn’t take long before she was doing as well as the other children.
Every morning, she swam in the apartment’s swimming pool. She felt more refreshed, physically stronger, and relieved of her asthma problems. This gradually built up her confidence.
The sun tanned her skin and made her hair much lighter. She smiles when she remembers how captivated and infatuated the boys were with her. The boys knew where Elin lived, and often they would stand beneath her balcony, whistling and hoping she would come out. Elin can’t help but laugh at the thought that in the eyes of Spanish boys, she was undoubtedly an attractive girl back then.
The class teacher at Frúutrøð’s class took the initiative for the children to write letters to Elin in Spain. Elin wrote back, sharing in long letters about her life under a southern sun.
Back to the Faroe Islands
When Elin was back in the classroom at Frúutrøð school, she hoped that somehow she would have been vindicated and would avoid the bullying, but it did not happen. Elin had now experienced a different culture and had expanded her horizons. Now she knew about a world beyond the Faroe Islands.
– This just made me even more strange in the eyes of others. So, I ended up being bullied again. I just couldn’t escape the bullying.
At Frúutrøð, the bullying was bad, but when the class had to continue at another municipal school in the sixth grade, it became a living hell.
The first day Elin stepped into the new schoolyard, a girl in the class told her that she had dropped her hat down an outdoor staircase leading to the basement where the oil heater stood that heated the entire school. Elin found it strange that the girl asked her to go down there to get the hat she had dropped. Why didn’t she just go down and get it herself? But to be kind and show herself in the best light, Elin went down the stairs.
– What I didn’t know was that if someone went down there, the whole schoolyard would immediately gather around the stairway, making it impossible for the person to come back up. If I tried to come up, I was pushed back down. All the children stood around the hole shouting and spitting at me. This was my first day at the new school!
The woman sitting across from me on a sofa in a basement apartment in Stoffalág calmly recounts it all. She appears balanced, but I can hear in her voice that she hasn’t always had it easy. I sit there shocked, wondering how a child could endure such treatment. How children can be so cruel and do such things to each other.
Kurla lifts her head and whimpers. She has listened attentively to every word, but now it has become too much. Elin knows what is happening. They both stand up almost simultaneously, and the dog is allowed to go out for a walk in the garden.
After the incident in the schoolyard, Elin suffered another mental setback. But even though she was afraid to go to school and struggled with anxiety, she had grown stronger. No one should be able to see that she was affected by the bullying.
– If I had told my parents, I might have ended up in another school, but I kept it to myself. I had started feeling like I couldn’t let myself be suppressed and was convinced that no one should bully me. I didn’t want to be a victim anymore. I had to show them.
Elin became an adult too soon and spent an incredible amount of energy throughout childhood and adolescence fighting her way out of the role of a victim and developing thicker skin.
When she left the Primary School and started at the Secondary School, there were several new faces in the class that Elin got along well with. Elin tried to be cool, for example by being cheeky in her way of expressing herself, and she started smoking. It was all about being part of the crowd. Elin also became aware that it was not worth bragging about how ‘smart’ she was.
– I gave up the role of the “sweet, clever girl” because I couldn’t play that role anymore. I got nothing out of it. It didn’t matter. So I started to rebel against my parents and authorities in general. For example, I was immediately up for skipping school if someone suggested it. Kondittaríið (a café in downtown Tórshavn) became the meeting place, and many school hours were spent there.
Changing course made Elin more accepted. She started going out to the disco and finding friends in the city who dared to oppose the authorities, and she became part of a clique where she thrived.
Elin’s father, Jens Pauli Heinesen, was familiar with the city’s acting scene, where men like Olivur Næs and Oskar Hermansen were highly respected. One day, during a party at Stoffalág, Elin sang the well-known song, Streets of London, with Faroese lyrics that she had written herself at the age of 15. Everyone was captivated, and Elin was invited to come to Sjónleikarhúsið, the city’s old theatre, and sing the song for a memorial performance where excerpts from older plays were performed. Between performances, the stage needed to be changed, and during the break, Elin entertained with her interpretation of the song, which she called “Áarvegurin” (a street in Tórshavn).
Elin stands up and finds a picture to show me. In the picture, a very young Elin sings in the theatre. This was the first time she sang publicly in front of an audience. Her uncle Svenn Brimheim and Finnbogi Johannesen accompanied her on guitars. The song “Áarvegurin” became very popular and quickly spread throughout the Faroe Islands.
Flýggjar inn á Kondittaríið,
sami gamlin, frá strev´og stríði,
í myrkasta krókin
at turka síni tár.
Ongastaðni fær hann frið,
látur altíð fylgir við.
Roynir hann at gloyma
síni tungu sálarsár.
(The old man flies into the café, from busy life, worn, and weary, into the darkest corner to dry his tears. Nowhere does he find peace, laughter always follows. He tries to forget his deepest soul wounds.)
This later led to Elin becoming a regular singer in the very popular radio entertainment program V4 on the Faroese national radio, Útvarp Føroya, for a few years, which some may remember.
Between ‘Flippers’ and ‘Rockers’
The 1970s were a politically tumultuous time. When Elin was around 16-17 years old, there were different groups in the city. The “Disko people” were those who leaned right, while the “Flipper” were those who leaned left. And then there were the Rockers, who were more into mopeds and such.
– I started out mostly into rock, transitioning from liking Sweet to enjoying Deep Purple, Uriah Heep, Led Zeppelin, and other 70s rock bands. With my confirmation money, I first bought a stereo system and then saved up for a moped, which was very handy when I started high school in Hoydalar.
Elin laughs loudly, reminiscing about drilling out the moped’s exhaust and sometimes being chased and driving away from the police. – I was quite a wild girl back then, she says, chuckling heartily.
During the same period, a music group practiced in a basement on Traðar Sgreet near Elin’s home. Boys like Petur Mohr Reinert, Ragnar Rubeksen, and Arnbjørn Sivertsen were there. The group named themselves Mjølnir. Elin remembers standing outside with another girl, listening and hoping dearly that the boys would ask them to be backing vocalists.
– It never occurred to us that we could have also used our confirmation money on instruments, drum kits, and such. It never crossed our minds, even though we were undoubtedly as musical as them. That was just how the times were, with girls only being considered for singing, dancing, or backing vocals. So even though it was my big dream back then, I was never asked.
Later on, I became more socially conscious, as I had been mistreated myself and was thus on the side of the underdogs. All of us anti-authoritarians and those who were a bit different banded together. They called us the Flippers. We thought we were cool, and we probably were too.
Times of Change
A lot happened in those years when Elin attended high school in Hoydalar. That was when Kristian Blak started as our teacher. He introduced us to a new world. Our class began to listen to different records than everyone else. Elin laughs at herself. – No, we weren’t into disco! For us, it was jazz music, you know!
During that time, you could also hear about other jazz lovers in the city. There were several with this interest. Elin was among those who founded Havnar Jazzfelag (Tórshavn’s Jazz Association). She feels lucky because in her class in Hoydalar, there was great camaraderie with many creative individuals. For instance, there was Ívar Bærentsen, who sang and played guitar, and Bergur Hanusson, who played the flute, while Elin sang and played the piano.
The class sang a lot, especially from the High School Songbook and the songbook Primo. Kristian Blak was also interested in folk music, which was very popular back then. He established the folk group ‘Spælimenninir in Hoydølum’, in which Ívar Bærentsen participated. Ívar made folk songs and inspired Elin to compose several of her own folk songs.
Now looking back, Elin remembers that as a young girl, she received piano lessons. Around the time when the Jazz Association was founded, she performed a bit at the old Havnar Klubbi and in the old B36 building, which the Jazz Association borrowed. If someone sang or played something Elin knew, she could accompany with a few chords on the piano.
Right after Elin finished high school in Hoydalar in 1977, she joined others she used to sing and play with, Kristian Blak and Spælimenninir í Hoydølum, and went on a concert tour to Scotland, Shetland, and the Orkney Islands.
Elin spent a lot of time in the Jazz Association. She was on the board, was a monitor, sold tickets, tended the bar, cleaned up, and prepared concerts. She was involved in everything. She experienced the Jazz Association growing from about 8 members to 900 members in a short time. Most activities took place in the party halls, Veitsluhøll Klubbans. But later, they moved to a building called Perlan.
The Jazz Association was a very open and tolerant organization where there was room for all kinds of people. Not everyone liked it. In particular, Viljin (the right-wing political party, Fólkaflokkurin’s youth organization) opposed the activities of the Jazz Association. Some boys would sometimes come just to cause trouble and disrupt because they believed everyone in the Jazz Association were communists.
– But that wasn’t the case at all, says Elin. – A few might have been quite left-leaning, and some sang in the Red Choir, but most of us were much more interested in music and creating a venue than we were in politics. I myself wasn’t politically active in any way, but I was labelled a communist just for being active in the Jazz Association.
Redstockings
– In Perlan, there were always many people on weekends, and the space was tight. I remember that when I had to carry beer and soft drink crates, I had to balance them on my head. I had to hold on with both arms to avoid dropping the crate on myself or others, making me defenseless when men felt entitled to touch me. They did so all the time. It was very uncomfortable for me. It made me feel exploited and like a second-class citizen. I wouldn’t stand for it.
Elin attended drama classes with Eyðun Johannesen in the evenings and got in touch with people who were active in the Women’s Movement. The Women’s Movement demanded greater respect for women and highlighted that women had too little social influence, with too few women in leadership positions. In particular, the wage gap between genders was unjust, and there were too few nurseries, making it difficult for women to enter the job market. Elin strongly agreed with these views and became a member of the Women’s Movement quite early.
– I think I had just turned 17 when I declared myself a feminist. We were also called redstockings, like those in Denmark. The name was probably said in jest or as an insult, but we embraced it. For example, the Women’s Movement published a magazine called “Súrsokkur” (The Sour Stocking).
Vit liva saman
Vit liva sama, tú og eg
Hví so gera mær fortreð?
Rætt tú mær tína
hond og fylg mær á veg.
Latið okkum ganga síð um síð
sama slag øll innaní.
Taka vit saman hendur,
vera vit frí.
Tín fíggindi er innan
í tær og ikki í mær.
Tú spælir bara sterkur,
ein týðiliga sær.
Tað er tí, tú ert so illur,
at tú næstan drepa kanst,
men tá ið tú fært valdið,
Er tað veruliga tú, sum vanst?
(Translated: We live together, you and I, Why do you hurt me? Reach out your hand and follow me on the way. Let’s walk side by side, the same kind all together, inside. If we hold each other’s hands, we become free.
Your enemy is inside you, not in me. You’re just playing tough, it’s clear to see. That’s why you’re so angry, almost capable of killing, but when you gain power, is it really you who wins?)
(The song “We live together” can be heard on Elin’s album “Handan Stjørnurnar” (Beyond the Stars), which was released in the summer of 2018)
After high school, Elin pursued a bachelor’s degree in Faroese at the University, and upon completion at the age of 23, she became a substitute teacher at the Hoydalar Gymnasium (high school), where she had recently attended herself.
Around the same time Elin was at university, she met a man of the same age, whom she was with for four years. One of the songs “Vi lever sammen” (We live together) on her latest album “Hinsides stjernerne” (Beyond the stars), released last year (2018), is about this man. Initially, things went well, but it became clear that he had a growing tendency to drink and abuse everything he could get his hands on. Additionally, he was extremely jealous. He did not allow Elin to go anywhere alone. He desired full control over her.
– I couldn’t go anywhere because it always led to trouble, explains Elin. – Once, after a minor disagreement, he slapped me so hard that my eardrum burst. I still hear the ringing in my ear to this day, says Elin, who suffers from severe tinnitus. – I’ve been open about my tinnitus but never explained why I have it. It’s not something I’m proud of.
Afterwards, he regretted his actions and promised to be good to me, and I forgave him, Elin recounts. – I cared for him and hoped deeply that things would improve between us.
However, it didn’t take long before he turned violent towards Elin again. Each time, he asked for forgiveness, and Elin took him back. – I longed so much for love and had very low self-esteem, so I was willing to believe him and give him a chance. But he only had less and less respect for me each time.
Over time, Elin became more and more isolated in this environment marked by abuse and violence, and she was mentally and physically worn down by stress. After nearly four years, she was so weakened that she only weighed 43 kg. She did not have the strength to do anything about the situation and was too afraid to ask anyone for help.
– It got much worse in the last year we were together. He called me a witch daily. He would hold pillows over my face until I almost passed out. And once, he attacked me with a knife, hitting my thigh as I ran up to the attic to get away from him. These were the conditions I lived under. It was like living in a horror movie, Elin recalls, clearly shaken.
Late one night, as they lay in bed on the loft of a small house in Reyn, where they had recently moved in, the conversation turned to the books her boyfriend had borrowed from the City Library. Elin thought about reading some of them, as she believed he wouldn’t have enough time to read them all before they had to be returned. That’s when he completely snapped.
– Don’t you think I can handle it? he shouted angrily. He continued, – What the hell do you think I am! Yes, you always think you’re smarter than me! He became even more agitated. Oh no, oh no, thought Elin. Something had to be done. She quickly rolled out of bed and ran downstairs. He was right behind her.
Even though Elin was only wearing panties and a t-shirt, she knew she had to get away and out before he got hold of her. Elin had just reached the front door when he grabbed her hair. With force, he slammed her head into the door frame.
Elin cowers on the sofa. This is an evening she will never forget. She remembers counting for some reason how many times he slammed her head into the door frame . When she reached 30, she passed out. She doesn’t know how long she was unconscious, but when she woke up, he was sitting next to her, agitated and gasping for air, full of adrenaline.
Elin tried to get up from the floor with only one thought in her mind: to get out of there. He noticed her feeble movements and forcefully pinned her down, breathless and worked up: “I hate you! Die, you damned witch,” he shouted, grabbing Elin’s throat and choking her until she lost consciousness again. Elin sighs and says she doesn’t understand how she survived this assault late one evening just before Christmas. She continues.
– When I came to, I saw him asleep. I was completely dazed and confused. I didn’t dare retrieve my clothes for fear of waking him. If he wakes up, death is certain, Elin thought. So she sneaked out into the cold, despite the wind and snow.
Returning home to her parents was out of the question. – I felt ashamed in front of my parents and was too shaken by the situation. However, Elin knew that her friend Maria, who was studying in Denmark at the time, was home for Christmas break. In a poor state, Elin stealthily made her way along the walls of the empty city, wearing only underwear and a t-shirt. She managed to reach Essalág unseen from Reyn. Once again, her friend Maria became her savior.
– Even though my head was swollen, and I had bruises around my neck, I completely refused to report the man and go to the emergency room. I dared not because I was 100% sure he would come after me and kill me if I did.
This time, Elin did not return to him. She recovered physically and moved to a basement apartment in Grím Kambans gøta in Tórshavn, but never felt safe there. Therefore, she always locked up carefully when going out or when home alone.
– But one time, when I returned home, the door was unlocked, and he was inside the apartment, the same man who had recently almost killed me. He stared at me without a word. I thought, no, I just have to be completely quiet. Just then, I heard a sound from upstairs. I quickly sprang out and rushed up to the landlord. I stayed there until I saw the man leave again. I was terrified.
Elin has truly experienced shocking events where men have abused their physical superiority, and this has likely, as she herself says, contributed to making her a passionate feminist. But Elin also makes it clear that she absolutely does not hate men.
– I have met many good men. From my childhood, I know how much love and care I have received, including from my father, grandfather, uncles, and other men in the family. I have also been friends with boys and men who were very kind, nice, and lovely men. I have never judged all men the same. But I am aware that there are men one should be wary of, who have made life difficult for many women.
Moved to Denmark
– I must have had a strong and healthy core, says Elin, because I survived all this degrading treatment every time. But I needed to get away from it all because I felt like life in the Faroe Islands was holding me back. I wasn’t thriving and asked myself; why not offer myself something better?
In 1983, at the age of 25, Elin decided to move to Denmark. Simply to change direction, save her life, and hopefully achieve personal victories. At that time, The Nordic House in Tórshavn was being built. It inspired Elin to strive to work in the cultural field. Elin, therefore, began studying Aesthetics and Culture as her major at Aarhus University, supplemented with the minor in Faroese that she already had from the University of the Faroe Islands. Later, she also pursued a postgraduate degree in Business Economics at the Copenhagen Business School.
– However, I was not going to get off so easily. In Aarhus, I was once again subjected to a terrifying incident one night on my way home from the city. A man followed me and attempted to rape me close to where I lived, but I managed to get away from him. He chased after me, but at the last moment, I entered the building and saved myself. I was so shocked that I immediately went back to the Faroe Islands and considered giving up my studies because it reopened all my emotional wounds that I thought I was getting over. But I wasn’t at all.
For the first time, Elin made the decision to talk to her mother about the incident in the plantation when she was 7 years old. Elin’s mother suggested that it might be a good idea to request access to the old case file. Shortly after, Elin sat alone in a small room at the police station and read the transcripts of the interrogations of herself immediately after the incident.
– I realized that everything I remembered from the incident was accurate. For the first time since it happened, I cried about what had happened to me. I could hardly stop again. I felt so deeply for this poor little girl, who was me experiencing all these terrible things. There is no doubt that confronting myself with the incident was a turning point for me. I once again decided that I would not let fear control me, gathered my strength, and returned to Denmark.
Thrived well in Denmark
Shortly after this event just before Christmas in 1985, Elin met her now ex-husband. He was completely different and helped her get out of the dark hole. Jens, who is Danish, and Elin got married in the summer of 1989. Gradually, Elin learned to live a more normal life and became stronger.
Elin is now speaking warmly. She says that when she chose to move to Denmark, it was like taking a cold, refreshing shower. Nobody knew who she was, and she could almost wipe everything off and start over.
– In the first few years in Denmark, I felt like an outsider, says Elin. – I saw everything from the outside, but after a few years and a lot of fun and not so fun cultural misunderstandings, I finally settled into Danish society and started doing quite well. That part I would also like to talk about, yes, even brag a little bit, says Elin with a smile.
In 1990, Elin became a mother. She had a daughter, Helena. It was a change. Helena was a much-wanted child who truly gave life meaning.
Just under a year later, Elin completed her education in 1991. Shortly after, she landed a managerial position, and since then, all her jobs have been leadership roles.
– Very exciting positions, Elin adds. Among other roles, Elin has been the marketing director at the Folketeatret, an old prestigious Theatre in Copenhagen, and the marketing coordinator for Kulturby 96, European City of Culture 1996, where she handled the international marketing of Copenhagen as a cultural city. Right after this, she was admitted to the Danish Film School on the screenwriting line, being one of eight out of 1,200 applicants and after five entrance exams. This strengthened her confidence, admits Elin.
– But unfortunately, the marriage didn’t work out, says Elin.
– We went our separate ways. It was around the same time that I started at Film School. My ex-husband paid me a little alimony for a year. After that, I had to manage as a single mother. When I had used up my student grant, it was necessary to find something else to live off.
– I taught myself to program and create websites, gained good clients, and started my own communication business. I was able to manage that while attending Film School. After completing film school, I was headhunted by the international company World Online to start the first Danish women’s magazine online, Kvindekanalen.dk. Unfortunately, the IT crisis hit in 2001. We were 60 people who lost our jobs the same day, and the online magazine was shut down.
Elin was lucky and immediately got a new job as an editor at the Committee for Health Education and co-editor of the youth magazine UNG, which was distributed free to all students in 8th, 9th, and 10th grade in Denmark.
The following year, Elin got a job as editor-in-chief of the women’s and consumer magazine KIWI, which she helped develop and sell to the Netto chain as their in-store magazine – just like Samvirke is for Coop.
The magazine no longer exists, says Elin, but she is clearly proud of her achievement because when she left the job five years later, KIWI had 430,000 readers according to Gallup, twice as many as, for example, Alt for Damerne and Femina, the biggest women’s magazines in Denmark. Best job ever! Elin asserts without hesitation and smiles.
Moved back to the Faroe Islands
In 2007, I moved back to the Faroe Islands. I used the excuse that I had gotten a job as the managing director of SamVit, but the truth was that I had to go home to take care of my father.
SamVit was a merger of Ferðaráð Føroya (the Faroe Islands Tourist Council) and Menningarstovan, which was a kind of export council. It was a political decision to merge the institutions, but the business sector was far from pleased with the decision. Only two years later, the then Minister of Foreign Affairs, Jørgen Niclasen, closed SamVit. Shortly after, Elin started as the media manager at Kringvarp Føroya (the Faroe Islands National TV & Radio), but various circumstances, both at work and at home, led Elin to face unexpected challenges.
Elin’s father, Jens Pauli Heinesen, suffered several thromboses and passed away in the summer of 2011. Elin’s close friend was diagnosed with cancer shortly after, and at the same time, shocking news came from Denmark that her daughter was mentally ill and had been rapidly admitted to the psychiatric ward at Rigshospitalet. Elin pauses and takes a deep breath, clearly affected. Then she continues. – And as if that wasn’t enough, I also had a herniated disc with very strong pain, which meant I had to use crutches for six months.
All of this put me under great pressure, but I did not receive much understanding from the management. It ended with me resigning from Kringvarp Føroya in 2012 after three years there. I then tried to make it as a freelance communications professional, but I was tired, and it wasn’t easy to make everything work, as the Faroese market is so small, and there were many communication professionals undercutting each other to get projects. After three years, I was so stressed that I simply broke down. I kept fainting all the time and couldn’t form a coherent thought. I went to the doctor, who sent me directly to Hvíldarheimið Naina (recreational home) for five weeks. It was a relief, I can tell you – just being able to put all responsibility aside for a while. I would recommend it to everyone!
Elin slowly recovered, and right after returning from the recreational home, she got a job at the University as the head of the Study Office. She liked the job, but it was not uncommon for the office to work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week in the summer when handling the admissions of new students, as in five years, the number of students had doubled, and the number of applicants had multiplied, without a corresponding increase in administrative staff. This meant that the workload became too much, and Elin became worried about her health again. She therefore applied for a year’s leave after three years in the job at the University. That was last year.
– Just at that time, I was reading one of my father’s books for the Audiobook Service, which is a department of the National Library. Margreta Næss, who was in charge of the recordings, told me that her position as head of the department would be advertised and asked if I would be interested in applying for it, as she believed I was the right person for the job. So I did, and got the position. As a result, I have now held this position for a year. We record and produce Faroese audiobooks, primarily for the blind, visually impaired, and those with reading difficulties. I am also in the process of preparing for a future internet platform for audiobooks, which is in high demand. I am really thriving and have no plans to return to the university.
Elin looks happy and also mentions how pleased she is with her daughter Helena, who completed her education last year and now holds a Master’s degree in Music Creation from the Rhythmic Music Conservatory in Copenhagen.
Elin is immensely proud of her. She is now 29 years old and doing well. In April this year, she got married to her partner, Lorri, in New York.
– A fantastic and touching wedding, says Elin. – Seven of us Faroese went over there to celebrate them. They have just moved to Malmö in Sweden and are very happy. It brings me so much joy.
Does not let fear control her
Today, Elin may appear as a strong woman who is not afraid to step forward. But in reality, Elin has always struggled to stand on a stage. However, she has done it. As she says:
– I will not let fear control me, so I have always challenged my stage fright. Sometimes I have excellent self-confidence, but other times I must admit that I have been a trembling wreck inside before a performance. It has also happened that anxiety has taken over in front of an audience. It fortunately does not happen often, but even today, fear can come out of the blue without warning.
Elin has sung at several major events without any problems, such as Voxbotn. But at the Summar Festival in Klaksvík last year, when Elin was supposed to sing her popular song “Eitt dýpi av dýrari tíð” (A Chasm of Precious Time) on the big stage at Vágsbø, something happened that shouldn’t have. Elin has composed the music for her father’s beautiful poem and sung the song countless times. She knows it inside out. But suddenly, fear still came over her.
– I had to hold the microphone with both hands to hide the fact that I was shaking so much. Of all songs! It was so annoying. I didn’t forget the lyrics, but I started shaking and therefore couldn’t sing freely. So yes, I have withdrawn several times when people have asked me to sing and play. I have questioned myself, can I handle it? Do I have the strength? What if I get scared?
But music has often been a great help in dark times. Her vivid imagination and general creativity have also given her strength to survive. And Elin has a strong drive, which probably stems from not only wanting to be known as the victim she was in childhood. It has therefore been very important for Elin to become visible in a different way, even though she has struggled greatly with low self-esteem and immense stage fright.
#Metoo
– Having experienced sexual abuse myself, I was one of those who wrote #Metoo on my Facebook profile when it became relevant. I was one of the few in the Faroe Islands who dared to do so. Many I knew didn’t dare do it, even though they had also experienced sexual abuse. They were afraid that people would ask intrusive questions about who, what, and why they did it. The fear that people wouldn’t believe what the women were telling was also real.
For Elin, it was very hurtful when men started accusing women participating in Metoo of being man-haters. Some said, for example: “You damn feminists are just out to get us men, and this Metoo thing is just overhyped nonsense. There is nothing to what you’re saying!” Elin has also heard statements like: “You’re just doing it to make yourselves interesting.”
You can see that Elin is greatly affected by this. – I didn’t ask to be subjected to sexual abuse in the plantation as a child. Or for a taxi driver to harass me when I was very young. Or for a medical student to drug me and violate me when I was studying in Denmark. Or for a respectable politician to make advances towards me and touching me inapproprietly when I was interning, without me inviting it in any way, just because I was young and insecure, and because he had the power to do so. I would sincerely wish to be without all these devastating experiences. Do I now have to be accused of hating others and just trying to make myself interesting on top of it all? Honestly… Is that something to boast about?
– And you know what? Elin adds. – I am not a unique case or particularly unlucky. Many have experienced similar events, especially at a young age, but just don’t speak publicly about it. Partly because they are afraid of being accused of hating men in general. Many are so used to having to accept more than they really feel comfortable with in order not to be accused of being too sensitive.
They also know that it will likely hit them hardest if they report something like that, because it’s so difficult to prove.
Elin tells a story of a woman she knows who reported a man for rape. The result was that she was exposed. The man who committed the assault was highly respected, and he managed to destroy her reputation and credibility. She fled from the Faroe Islands and still lives abroad, says Elin.
Elin remembers that recently it was mentioned how many rape reports there are each year in Denmark, and how few actually end in conviction. Amnesty.dk states that the number of rapes and attempted rapes ranges from 5,100 (according to the Danish Ministry of Justice) to up to 24,000 rapes or attempted rapes (according to a study from the University of Southern Denmark in 2018) annually in Denmark. But in 2017, only 890 rapes were reported, and only 94 of these ended in conviction.
– And then people say that MeToo is exaggerated! No, there is still a need for greater awareness of how widespread sexual harassment is – and why, so we know what steps need to be taken to prevent it and protect those who cannot protect themselves, so everyone can move around safely everywhere without fear of being subjected to sexual harassment. Hopefully, MeToo was a step towards a safer society for all.
