Short Essay in the Women’s Magazine Kvinna, May 29, 2024
By Elin Brimheim Heinesen
I have nearly lived for 66 years now. Looking back, it can be established that I have lived a very colourful life, both for better and worse. When you live this long, you can’t avoid facing some challenges along the way. If I hadn’t had friends to help me get back on my feet, I don’t know what would have happened to me.
Fortunately, I have been lucky to have good friends I could rely on in times of need. I would hardly have survived without them—not without serious scars on my soul and mind. So I am very grateful for my friends and for all I’ve been able to experience—both the bad and the good. “Joy and sorrow walk hand in hand,” as Kingo once wrote. Life’s highs and lows have taught me so much and made me a better, more complete person. And I feel lucky to still be alive. Not everyone is granted to live this long. So there is more than enough to be thankful for.
The Value of Friends in Life Crises
There are hardly any people my age who have lived completely carefree lives. Most people experience moments where they feel completely happy and other moments where they feel like the most miserable people in the world. No one escapes challenges; it’s part of being human. No one is perfect. You stumble now and then and make mistakes you wish you hadn’t made. You also can’t avoid being let down by others or losing people you care about.
When life’s crises hit, it is incredibly difficult to be all alone. It’s precisely here that the value of having friends truly shows. Especially as we grow older and/or live alone, it’s essential to recognize how incredibly important friends are for the quality of life, acting as support and pulling you out of darkness.
Knowing Many but Having Few Friends
Personally, I can’t brag about having many friends. One reason is that I can be quite introverted—at least during the week when I thrive in peace and to like to have the opportunity to focus on my interests, like playing and making music, writing, and doing other creative work. It’s not that I want to be completely isolated; I also love having guests and being hospitable, and I really enjoy spending a good time with others.
I have always been a person taking many initiatives and have had jobs that required me to be in the public eye. Since I was young, I have sung, played, and published music and played many concerts, which has contributed to me living a relatively outgoing life. This means, among other things, that I know incredibly many people—most importantly, that many know me. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that I have gained many more friends because of it.
True friends do not come by themselves. It takes time to get to know people so well that you can call them true friends, and it requires effort from both sides to nurture and maintain the friendship.
The Challenge of Moving Between Countries
It probably hasn’t made it easier to get and keep in contact with friends that I lived abroad for 25 years before I packed my things and moved home again in 2007. When you’ve been away for so long, it’s not easy to find your footing again. Society has completely changed. Everyone you once knew has gone their own way and found other friends they have become close with during the time you were away. To create a network of friends again, it is necessary for you to take the initiative to meet people—such as inviting people over to your home—and to be genuinely outgoing, even if you might feel like an uninvited guest. You can only hope that people give you a chance. If not, there’s nothing to be done about it. But don’t give up.
Fortunately, I managed to find people who welcomed me with open arms. Now I have a limited circle of friends with whom I have shared many good, highly valued moments. Some of them I knew before I moved to Denmark, but most of them I have gotten to know in Denmark and after I moved back to the Faroe Islands. However, I only have a few friends whom I feel I can call my true heart friends. These are the ones I’ve known the longest. New acquaintances may become heart friends over time, if the will is there from both sides. Who knows?
Life Wisdom and Heart Friends
The strange thing is that the person I consider my very best friend is not the person I spend the most time with, even though we both live in Tórshavn. We have a strong friendship that has deep roots in our childhood. We grew up in the same neighbourhood and were almost together every day during our childhood and youth. We have been each other’s life witnesses in the front row through almost our entire lives and have always been able to talk in confidence and support each other in all of life’s matters, especially in hard times, right up to today.
This creates a strong and inseparable bond between us, even though we don’t see each other that often. Our friendship doesn’t change because we know each other so well that it makes no difference how great the distance is. If we haven’t seen each other in several years and then suddenly meet again, it feels as though we saw each other yesterday. All our shared memories—especially from our teenage years—have bound us together. And these are values that neither of us wishes to lose.
How to Establish and Maintain Friendships?
When I was asked to write reflections for the magazine Kvinna about my experiences with friendships, I immediately wondered: Are my experiences relevant to others as well? So, as the old journalist that I am, I quickly went online to find out what other people’s experiences have been. It didn’t take long for me to confirm that my experiences are not unique, and particularly how important friendships are for people’s quality of life.
Friends are one of life’s greatest gifts. Therefore, it is important to establish and nurture friendships, especially as one gets older, since they enrich life in countless ways—providing emotional support, community, stimulation for the mind, physical health benefits, help, care, etc. By forming friendships, you can improve your mental and physical well-being and sense of security. Being with friends creates a sense of purpose in life and helps ensure satisfaction with life in the golden years. If you feel lonely, you can take small steps towards being more social and open, and begin to feel less lonely. It’s also important to be patient and take the time to get used to and feel comfortable in new social contexts.
Fact Box
Here are some ideas I found online that I can relate to and confirm can be used when one wants to escape loneliness, form new friendships, and strengthen existing ones:
- Be active in your local community:
Volunteer work can be an excellent way to meet new people and gives a sense of belonging. Libraries, community centers, and local charities are good places to start. - Revive old friendships:
Reach out to old friends. Social media can be a useful tool to rekindle connections with people from your past. A simple “Hey, how are you?” can open doors that have been shut for many years. - Participate in groups with shared interests:
Join interest groups or clubs that share your interests or activities. For example, book clubs, hiking groups, choirs, or courses in various activities. Sharing common interests with others can lead to meaningful connections. - Get a pet:
Pets can offer companionship and boundless love, which can be very comforting when you feel lonely. Furthermore, an active life, like walking a dog, can also increase your opportunities to communicate more with others. - Seek professional help:
If loneliness burdens you, it may be a good idea to talk to a psychologist or psychotherapist who can support you in dealing with loneliness and help you build your social skills. - Learn to be alone:
There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Finding joy in simply being with yourself can be a strength. Try cultivating new interests or revisiting old activities that you enjoy doing alone. - Use technology to connect:
Why not use today’s advanced technology to your advantage? Contacting family and friends online can help alleviate feelings of loneliness. Apps and online platforms are available, designed for people who want to meet new individuals or learn new skills together with others.
