By Elin Brimheim Heinesen
Read aloud at the Sirkus bar in Tórshavn during the Femifestival on 4 March 2024
Angry Red Pill Men
In our patriarchal society, age-old norms still dictate how men and women should be. Traditional gender perceptions lead us to expect men to be strong and stoic. Consequently, many men are afraid to talk about their feelings for fear of being labelled as “weak.” This makes it difficult for them to trust others, so they hide their true emotions. For many men, the only acceptable emotion is anger, backed by evidence in research in the area. *
Many Men are Struggling
There’s no doubt that many men feel lonely and face significant challenges. Statistics clearly show this. Men are overrepresented in suicide rates. They have shorter lifespans and poorer health compared to women, and many more men are incarcerated and homeless.
This also affects those who care for them, particularly the women around them. Feminists argue that if men are freed from restrictive gender norms, allowing them to be emotional and express feelings other than anger, it would be healing. It would also promote healthier gender relationships and improve overall mental health in society.
Red Pill “Bro-Fluencers” Offer Dubious “Solutions”
However, there are movements working against this. For example, there’s the Red Pill movement, also known as the Manosphere, led by men like Andrew Tate and other so-called bro-fluencers (a combination of the words brother and influencer). Many men are attracted to this movement because they feel it speaks their language and aims to help them solve their problems, resulting in significant support. Tate and others have earned substantial sums by capitalising on the male crisis and offering “solutions” in the form of expensive courses.
Some of the advice given by bro-fluencers is healthy and positive, such as encouraging men to strengthen themselves through exercise and a healthy diet. However, this advice is often mixed with an alarming message, promoting violence, sexism, and inequality—what is often referred to as “toxic masculinity,” where men oppose feminist principles of respect and gender equality. This trend is particularly concerning, especially among women, as the movement seems to be gaining popularity among young men.
What Threatens Men?
The debate becomes heated when discussing the causes of men’s problems and solutions to these challenges. The Red Pill movement claims that masculinity is in crisis because feminists have attacked traditional gender roles and turned everything upside down. They propose a return to old gender roles, where men worked outside and women stayed home to care for children and the household – a time that nostalgia may overstate as better than it actually was.
Others argue that it is a misconception that masculinity is under threat – at least no one wishes to abolish healthy masculinity, which makes men responsible and confident in their own skin without feeling compelled to play a specific role imposed by others.
So, what is it that makes men feel threatened?
The Gap Between Reality and Expectation Has Become Too Large
In recent decades, life has become more challenging for most people. Stagnant wage growth, rising inflation, increasing economic inequality, and an unsustainable societal development make life harder for many. Governments in many countries prioritise the interests of the wealthy over the general welfare of the average citizen. All these factors have undermined what we previously expected from life: being able to get a good education, secure a decent job, raise a family with several children, own a house, and live without shortages when reaching retirement age.
However, achieving all these goals has become much more difficult today. The gap between reality and expectations, and the contrast between what we have and what we desire, has only widened. One reason is an unchecked consumer culture that promotes individualism, ego, and the need to show off to others, where we are judged by how we look and how glamorous our lives appear. Social media greatly encourages this mentality. The extravagant lifestyles of the ultra-rich are far more visible in the media today, thus becoming role models for many. But when people strive for more than what is realistically attainable for them, it naturally breeds dissatisfaction.
This particularly affects men, especially those with traditional views who see themselves primarily as providers. They feel their identity is threatened because the economic realities make it harder for them to fulfil the role they identify with: being the “provider” for the household. This leads to a sense of alienation from society. Instead of adapting to the new times and addressing the root causes of these issues, many men choose to blame gender equality. They view feminism as the greatest threat to men.
Some People Wish to Reestablish the Old “Pecking Order” With Men at the Top
This is further complicated when powerful online groups argue that equality isn’t a win-win for everyone, but rather a setback for men and a barrier to their progress. The Red Pill movement exemplifies this backlash, urging men to dominate women and promoting what’s known as “the dark triad”—psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism, which involve deceit, manipulation, and exploitation, particularly of women for self-gratification. That these men feel so threatened by independent women and have such a need to assert themselves by bullying women only reveals their actual lack of self-confidence. If they were truly secure in their identity, they wouldn’t feel so threatened.
There is nothing new in viewing women this way. For centuries, women were primarily seen as tools for specific purposes, like childbirth, rather than as whole individuals with their own will. This perspective is reflected in various cultures around the world, where women are valued only for their reproductive abilities and little else. The age-old suppression of women in patriarchal societies is deeply rooted. We now see that some wish to turn back the clock, depriving women of their hard-earned rights once again.
Men Forced to Sacrifice through Shaming
What is perhaps less often discussed is how men are also objectified by the patriarchal society – seen as mere tools, just in different areas. Men are also restricted to being instruments for those in power. In many societies, manhood is significantly measured by whether men are willing to go to war and sacrifice themselves for the nation, regardless of their wishes. Those who do not conform to these norms can expect to be shamed by society.
This is an ideal of masculinity highly valued by the power elite. Consequently, the authorities do everything to “sell” this ideal to young men. Military service is glorified as a rite of passage or a test of manhood, transforming boys into real men. The message is clear: if you don’t join the army, you are not a real man. This creates pressure on young men to willingly go to war, even at the cost of their lives and limbs. In a patriarchal system, many men are reduced to being ‘disposable’ instruments of violence, replaceable as if they were single-use items. However, the appalling psychological costs that wars inflict on men are silenced, as if they don’t matter, because men are expected to just handle it. This attitude leads to the dehumanisation of men.
“Real Men” Distance Themselves from Their Humanity
So, can we talk about masculinity being in crisis? It’s a good question. The real crisis lies in how men’s value is reduced to their willingness to hide their humanity and play the role of ‘tough guys’ who assert themselves over others and use people for their own advantage. We still cultivate a wartime form of masculinity, deemed necessary in the past when the threat of war was ever-present.
Men are raised to live in a different era than the one they actually inhabit. And this backfires. The way men had to cope in the past is unsuitable in a society that promotes gender equality and seeks to eliminate toxic behaviour in favour of more humane values.
What is the Solution to the Masculinity Crisis?
The solution is not to revert and force everyone into traditional gender roles again, as Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate, and other influencers claim to be “natural.” Women do not want to give up the rights they have gained, and reviving an outdated mindset, where many people of both genders had to suppress their true feelings, only makes things much worse – for both sexes. Suicide rates have certainly never been reduced by it, and they will not reduce so long as we uphold these ideals. Quite the opposite.
No, the solution is for us to find a balance together that fits our times – a more humane approach, where women and men are no longer reduced to commodities or tools for those in power but strive to live together with mutual respect. We need to see each other as whole people with the right to live in peace and freedom, with the opportunity to openly and honestly express our feelings and uniqueness as individuals, without fear of being shamed or bullied. To break the vicious cycle that divides people and leads to one conflict after another, this is the only way forward.
*) Source:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5817048/
