By Elin Brimheim Heinesen
With regard to yesterday’s International Women’s Day, how far have we come with gender equality when it comes to our attitudes? Many are still clinging to old ideas about gender that prevailed in the 60s (as the advice to women in the picture to the right illustrates).
It seems more than ever before that some men still dream of the woman returning to that role. And one also hears some young women speaking similarly today: that they see it as freedom to be a stay-at-home parent and care for their children.
It’s fine to be a homemaker, but it’s incredible that in 2020 there are still people who almost exclusively see women in the role of sacrificial housewives. I have even seen some go so far as to believe that ALL women should take on this role again – as if it is the only thing women are good for. Those who think this gender role distribution is ideal, how can they imagine that all women would thrive in this role?
Are stay-at-home men “unmanly”?
Personally, I could never imagine giving up my work to be a housewife for a man, taking care of the children and nothing else! It would have been a waste of my talents and skills, and I would truly be unhappy if forced into it. And besides… there are actually men who would love to have the role of staying at home for a working wife, so why couldn’t they also take on that role without fearing being seen as “unmanly”?
One thing is to take pride in being a stay-at-home mum or dad and performing household work. It is all honourable and good. Undoubtedly, there are both women and men who want to be stay-at-home mums and dads, although I believe that most men would hardly want to spend all their time on caregiving and household work without pay – not to mention the fear of stigma.
Something entirely different is for one gender to be subjected to the other and serve them unconditionally without receiving any pay compensation for it. It is akin to slavery, no matter how romantic or nostalgic one portrays this relationship between man and woman, dreaming of reviving a time when “men were men” and “women were women”.
Have we forgotten the original reason for the fight for women’s liberation?
Is it really such a past that we should strive to bring back? Those who believe so – have they forgotten the reason why many women no longer endured the pattern that existed, and rebelled against it by joining the women’s movement and fighting for 100 years to free women from enslavement?
Although we can say that most of the consequences of this fight have been beneficial and have improved society, unfortunately, the development has also had some less fortunate consequences. Because both genders today have to spend most of their time working in paid employment outside the home to earn enough for their livelihood, the home and children may be neglected more often than before. This leads some to believe that it was “better” as it was before.
But the solution is not to force all women back to the kitchen to work without pay, and to make them 100% economically dependent on a (working outside) man, which also prevents them from contributing to society in other ways if they have the will and ability to do so.
Raise homework to honour and respect – by rewarding this work.
No, the solution is rather to raise domestic work to honour and respect – more than ever before – by giving people, whether they are women or men, who choose this as full-time work, a well-deserved salary for their work, so they do not have to be economically dependent on others, but can support themselves, whether they are in a relationship or not.
If being a stay-at-home caregiver and taking care of the home, children, the sick, and the elderly were paid work, I do not expect this work would be as undervalued as it often is today, or so closely tied to gender.
But it requires a greater shift in mindset because we are so used to thinking that a woman is not a “real” woman unless she voluntarily takes on the unpaid role of the sacrificing homemaker, giving up her (economic) freedom to care for her husband and children, and that a man is not a “real” man unless he goes out into the workforce and works to earn money for the family.
Both genders must participate in the caregiving revolution
I have no issue with parents choosing to prioritize their children. On the contrary, I believe they should receive deserved compensation for doing so because all children deserve more time and attention from their parents. However, I do not think it should solely be the responsibility of mothers to step out of the workforce to be with their children.
The so-called “caregiving revolution” that people talk about today is absolutely necessary and crucial, but at the same time, I fear it could be a setback for women if men do not also participate. Because if men do not share the responsibilities at home, women will lag behind in the workforce, and some employers may be hesitant to hire women knowing they have longer maternity leave and are viewed as less reliable in their eyes.
Unfortunately, it is still largely women who have to make the tough choice: either prioritise your children OR prioritise your work/career. No middle ground. The responsibility should have been better distributed between man and woman, so that neither children nor career are neglected because both parents are working. I understand why mothers want to reduce their working hours when their children are young to have more time with them. But I do not understand why men do not also want to have more time with their children.
No, there is still a long way to go before we – mentally – achieve equality, where it does not matter who earns money and who does what, as long as everyone is allowed to do what they are best at.
